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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Not Satire: Dude Steals Truck, Kidnaps Woman Rams Cars, Blames It On Grand Theft Auto



Jalopnik (best auto blog on the web), reports on a bro who, in real life, with a real life powerful mullet, stole a truck, kidnapped an innocent woman, then started ramming parked cars. This occurred in Baton Rouge, Louisiana (rather than Florida or Oklahoma, site of most recent spectacular posts – your move again Florida) and the bro, when giving excuses went with Grand Theft Auto V, as in living out a video game.


He didn’t blame drugs or drink, the most obvious choices and potentially cause for probation and rehab after some jail time.  I’m not aware of rehab for video-game inspired felonious stupidity.

The bro, 20-year old Zachary Burgess, a freshman lacrosse player at Auburn in town for a game with LSU, walked up to a running truck with a woman inside at 2:30 a.m. and stole it with her inside and tried to flee but several cars blocked his exit.  So, in logical (or drunken) fashion, tried to ram his way through.  The woman managed to jump out of the truck and Burgess drove away, abandoning the truck. He was held by some witnesses (which meant presumably he either didn’t get far or some folks followed him) until police got there.

Jalopnik reports that when asked by police why he did what he is accused of doing, Burgess reportedly said he “wanted to see what it was really like to play the video game Grand Theft Auto.”

Not cool.  Not cool at all on lots of levels.

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