While children all over the US
are perhaps watching the NORAD live feed to see where Santa is in relation to
their home, and hoping to get gifts from a fat man coming down a chimney (or
for those without a chimney, in through a door), a very Russian Santa story was reported by UPI. A man in Yakutsk, Russia, the city deep in Siberia with the wildest
temperature swings on the planet between wildly hot summers and wildly cold
winters, was found dead in a Santa costume.
He had been at a business holiday
party and puled a knife on two fellow-party goers. I’ve been to some bad office holiday parties,
but never has anyone gotten a knife pulled on them, and never by the guy
dressed as Santa. And, I’ve worked in
some rugged places. But, it’s Russia, so
it didn’t end there.
After Bad Santa pulled the knife,
two people managed to subdue him and hog-tie him outside. (This is outside in Siberia in the town with
the widest swings in yearly temperature in the world, meaning it is really,
really cold there). His girlfriend then tied
her scarf around his mouth to keep him from yelling. Thanks, honey. At this point, I have to believe that due to
the place and circumstances, exceptional amounts of alcohol were involved.
The girlfriend escorted other
guests out of the house (thanks dear), and then went to check on her hog-tied
boyfriend who was out in the snow with a scarf tied around his mouth tight
enough to keep him from screaming. He
was dead. Of course he was. He was left hog-tied, likely drunk, and
gagged in the snow in Siberia for long enough to escort guests out of the house
at a Russian holiday party. I’m guessing
it lasted longer than five minutes.
UPI reports that “Investigators
are still trying to establish a cause of death.” How about hypothermia, hog-tied drunk by
co-workers and gagged by girlfriend in the snow while she politely escorted
people out. Russia, your holiday parties
are epic. This Santa is not on
NORAD. His tracking stopped in Yakutsk.
No comments:
Post a Comment