Some
stories have it all: drug deals gone wrong, pepper-sprayings in cars, Taco Bell
parking lots, medieval sword fighting practice, calling the cops to report that
some kids stole your weed. It’s like a
mad-lib of crime. It happened in suburban
Cleveland, Ohio. The Florida of the
north.
Here’s
what went down: According to
Cleveland.com, Sebastian
Wozniak and Anthony Klier met some teenagers in a Taco Bell parking lot to
practice medieval sword fighting. That’s
about as lame as it gets. Seriously. That’s really, really lame. Wozniak is 20, and Klier is 22, but they
probably live in their mom’s basements. They are clearly too old for this mess.
Apparently before the sword-fighting practice started (maybe they were
re-enacting D&D), the kids asked for some weed. Wozniak was apparently holding, so he got in the
car with the teenagers to sell the weed.
Then
it got lamer. The kids pepper sprayed
Wozniak and took his weed. Wozniak,
instead of picking up what was left of his pride (if anything), and going home,
actually called the cops to say that he was robbed by some punk kids. The police showed up, but Wozniak and the
other dude didn’t tell the police that the robbery and pepper spraying took
place during an attempted drug deal. The
truth got out, and they got charged, but the charges were bound over to the grand
jury.
The
grand jury apparently thought Wozniak and Klier were too pitiful to charge with
felonies, because they sent the case back to municipal court, with a reduction
to a misdemeanor.
The
grand jury was right to take pity on these hams. There’s no telling what could happen to them
in prison, especially since they wouldn’t have swords on the inside.
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