Cracked and Smacked-up Woman Leaves Alligator at O’Hare Airport in Chicago

Why would someone in Chicago have an alligator to begin with? Why would someone in who has a crack problem with crack and heroin have an alligator?  And why would that person then bring the alligator to the airport?  The second question answers the third.  Because crack is whack and smack is back.  The only reason why someone in a freezing city thousands of miles from the natural habitat of an alligator possesses a baby alligator is that they are on drugs.  And they are trying to sell the alligator to someone who thinks it’s cool. Who is also probably also on drugs.

Alligator left at O'Hare

Finding someone in the middle of a Chicago winter who wants to buy an alligator was apparently tough, though, because someone tried to flush a 25-inch (two foot long) alligator down a toilet, and then the crack/smack head took the alligator to save it and brought it to the airport and promptly forgot it there.  Where someone saw it and alerted authorities.  Of all the things you expect to see at O’Hare, it’s not a baby alligator.  At Midway, maybe, or at least the old Midway. But not O’Hare.

The Chicago Tribune reports that Alexis Prokopchuk of Oakbrook Terrace, has been charged with animal cruelty and reckless conduct after leaving the baby alligator at O’Hare to fend for itself. It was spotted under an escalator and was in “poor condition, suffering from an improper diet.”  Not surprising.

The following is both comedy gold and completely explains her actions:

Prokopchuk had been spotted on surveillance cameras on the CTA Blue Line holding the gator and then entering the lower level of Terminal 3, where she let it loose, according to a police report.

Prokopchuk told officers she and her ex-boyfriend took the gator from a friend who was going to flush it down the toilet, the report said.

Then, on Nov. 1, she "was so (high) on crack cocaine and heroin and had taken some pills," that she lost the gator after coming to the airport, the report said.

How was it that no one on the Blue Line saw her holding a live alligator and reported it.  The Blue Line of the CTA “L” is not that dodgy, at least not near O’Hare.  But, people don’t want to deal with crazy, so leave the crazy alone on the train.  Same with the airport.  Apparently airport police weren’t watching level three when she came in with a live alligator.

It can be chalked up to drugs.  Prokopchuk is heading to court. Hopefully drug court.

Next time you’re in the airport and see someone carrying a live reptile, don’t assume it’s a service alligator.  It’s probably a drug alligator.  Call the airport police over.  The alligator is probably high, too.