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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Man Goes Full-Council Bluffs: Robs E-Cigarette Store with Trailer-Ball Ax



We’ve said it before: There are a few clear ways to get onto this blog: (1) be a drunken feral hog doing what drunken feral hogs do: (2) become an all-star Floridian; (3) attack someone with a sword.  We have profiled more of the first two than I can link up here easily.  On the third count, we have linked to sword wielding robbers who were grabbed by the cojones on the way to failing, and a man who demanded insanely good tacos for free with a samurai sword, while failing. 

We’re going to have to modify that a little, because, wielding an ax in a  crime is going to get you on this blog as surely as wielding a sword will.

We’re also here to introduce those outside of the upper Midwest to Council Bluffs, which ought to be considered a low-end directional city (West Memphis, East St. Louis).  It is the East St. Louis of Omaha, but usually more hilarious.

Omaha.com reports that Council Bluffs police are looking for a man who went full Council Bluffs and robbed an e-cigarette store wielding an ax with a trailer-ball hitch attached to it.  That’s right.  He went for the gusto.  He went high end for e-cigarettes.  And he didn’t just use a regular ax.  He tried to make the ax all medieval by attaching a trailer ball to it, like some sort of hybrid morning-morning star/nunchuck that was just probably more likely to hit him in the balls.

He fled on foot, because of course. He was wearing a black sweatshirt with the word “Nebraska” on it, because Huskers.  Council Bluffs definitely needs a direction in its name.

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