In
the long list if things I am not going to do today, here’s one near the
top: I am not going to chase a
bear. This is not just because I live in
an area, unlike Lake County, Florida, and particularly the underwhelming burg
called Sorrento. I can only imagine that
it is a pale impersonation of the beautiful town on the Amalfi Coast, Sorrento,
Italy (much like Paris, Texas is a shell of the one in France). What Sorrento,
Florida may lack in cliffs, black lava pebble beaches and cobalt sea overlooking
Elba Island, Sorrento, Florida makes up for in bears. And people who chase them.
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| Dude who chases bears for fun |
In
a WTF story that could only come from Florida, WFTV reports on
a man who first claimed he wrestled a bear outside his Florida home. He called 911 to advise that his arm wounds
were from wrestling a bear that surprised him when he was just sitting outside
on a lawn chair, hanging out, when the bear approached. Never one to back down
from a large mammal, this all-star Floridian allegedly decided to wrestle and the
punch the bear. Then he got on the news
to tell all about it. He said:
"[I was] sitting outside
listening to music, and all the sudden I see a shadow go by me. I look off to
the side of me and just, I thought it was somebody, and I went to meet whoever
it was and it was a bear," said resident Josh Hennessy. “He got ahold of
my clothes I just started punching him and he ran off. I got right in his way”
Seems this may have been illegal,
though. Seems like the Florida Fish and
Wildlife Commission may have had a problem with a dude punching a bear. Because when someone showed up to take a
sworn statement, Mr. Hennessey then changed his story to say that while he did
see a bear walk by, he chased it up the road and then fell down and thereby
injured his forearms.
So, while he did not actually
punch the bear, he still chased it. You’d
think bears in Florida have enough to deal with. You’d think dudes who sit in their front yard
drinking beer have something better to do than chase bears. But, you don’t live in Sorrento, Florida.
By the way, this is not an
isolated incident. According to the
article, there were 34 other bear chasings in Lake County last year. That’s 34 people who independently decided to
chase down an animal that could turn around and kill them with a swipe or hurt
them with a good old-fashioned mauling. Six
of the bears were put down for interacting with humans (for being chased). Seem the bears ought to at least turn around and
hit back at the Floridians who are chasing them. Or Floridians ought not build (or place)
houses so near to where so many bears are.
And if they do, they ought not drink so much Natty Light that they
decided to chase bears.
Sorrento, Florida. Not as awesome as the one in Italy.
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