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Friday, March 14, 2014

Alabama Men Go to Florida, Cannonball on Manatee, Go to Jail



In a situation where the dumbassery goes exponential, Florida Today reports that two Alabama men came to Florida and ran across Manatees, and decided to cannonball on top of a mama Manatee and her calf.  What would make someone cannonball on top of a peaceful, docile Manatee and her baby calf? Alabama dumbassery combined with Florida.  The Alabama dumbasses decided to video their completely illegal dumbassery and post it on Facebook.  I’m only shocked they didn’t yell “Roll Tide” as they were breaking Federal Endangered Species law or throw a shout-out to Nick Saban in the process.  Maybe they were Auburn fans since Auburn won the National Title this year.  They won’t be Auburn Fans next year. They’ll still be dumbasses.

Beware of Alabamans
One of them, Stephenson, actually lured the Manatee toward a dock with a hose, while his bigger dumbass buddy, Martin, jumped off the dock and landed on the Manatee and her calf.  It was apparently so funny they tried to lure the Manatee back with the hose to do it again.  Because if there’s one thing that an dumbass will like better than violating Federal Endangered Species law while filming it for Facebook, it’s doing it twice.

After posting the video on Facebook, they drew some criticism, to which Martin responded:, “hahaha…in my debue [sic] as tayla the manatee slaya…im f---- ready to cannonball on every manatee living yewwww.”  He did not add “Roll Tide.” He probably regrets that now. 

He probably doesn’t regret jumping on the Manatee, because he’s now on the news and jail is not that bad for someone who is as big a dumbass as Martin or Stephenson.  They get three meals a day, get to lift weights and get to hang out and talk about how Nick Saban used to be the best coach in the history of football until he lost two games in a row, and should now be fired and Bear Bryant’s corpse resurrected to coach again.  They could talk about that all day, every day.  If they get to spend time in a prison outside Alabama, they then get to spend all year telling everyone how awesome Nick Saban was.  In short, prison should be awesome for them.  Florida should be better for them not coming back.

I get some grief for writing lots of posts about Florida and the crazy stuff that happens there.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with the State.  I think it has lovely beaches and very nice people (mixed in with the minority that chase bears).  A lot of my friends live there and I love Miami and Sanibel Island. Crazy people move there, get raised there, and visit there.  It is like this magnet for crazy and good tobacco.  In this case, Florida imported the crazy from Alabama, and sent some of it back home.

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