So said the Department of
Transportation, that released guidelines in service animals and noted that pigs
are preferred service animals to people who are allergic to dogs. They noted that pigs are “intelligent animals
and attuned to dangerous situations. Along with monkeys and miniature horses,
they can be designated for “emotional support.”
 |
| Pig temporarily on a plane |
First, let’s get this straight: As the DOT noted, "pigs are intelligent animals attuned to dangerous situations;" such as taking a
pig on a plane. Pigs cannot fly, just asturkeys cannot fly (YOUTube video). Pigs know this. They don’t want to fly. They want beer.
And when pigs are aware of
dangerous situations (or situations without an appropriate amount of beer for
them) they go berserk.
That’s what happened over the
weekend on a US Airways flight. (Full coverage here).
I have a general rule never to fly US Airways. Because I generally like to get where I’m
going and not spend a 14-hour layover in Charlotte, where they have nice
rocking chairs so you can wait for damn near a day when your US Airways flight
is delayed. (Before US Airways sues me
for defamation, we can discuss the whole damn day I spent in Charlotte the last
time I tried to fly US Airways) trying to return to Houston, after a flight to
Charlotte when the flight attendant started an argument with me (that I tried
to avoid. Oh, I tried to avoid it) over
the merits of their last bankruptcy. Or
you can hang out in Philadelphia while US Airways employees hold a wildcat
strike on the holidays (old news clip of just that).
Maybe US Airways was trying to up
its customer service now that it merged with American to form the Voltron of
airline suck. The way they did it is
pure US Airways hilarity.
They let an 80-pound pig through
security and on the plane. Then, when the
pig realized someone was trying to make it fly, and was not going to give it
beer from the cart, the pig went berserk. It pooped in the aisle and started to
run up and down the aisle. The pig owner who didn’t bring a can of Natty Light
for it, was then tossed off the plane with the pig to drown her sorrows in the
airport bar.
Seriously, that happened this weekend. There is amateur video from the flight from
passengers who saw this as the last insult (narrow seats that fit no one over
100 pounds comfortably, aisles shoved so close together that if you are over
five-feet tall, your knees are in your face.
So, where was this 80-pound
emotional support pig supposed to go?
Did the passenger buy it an extra ticket, or was it supposed to hang out
in the aisle? That seems like a trip
hazard. Perhaps this wasn’t thought out
by US Airways or the Department of Transportation.
This is the latest intrusion of
pigs into our domestic lives. First they steal our beer in the wild.
Then they invade our neighborhoods. Then they move into our homes, well not mine, (and not in the
form of delicious bacon). Now, they are on planes.
God help us when the monkeys get
on a flight. They can fly. And when they do, they’re mean. (Wizard of Oz).
No comments:
Post a Comment