An Alabama woman, Amy Russell,
was allegedly attacked by a maniacal iguana in Key West. Someone, perhaps her, called the police. According to Key's Net, The police declined to arrest the iguana. Police also did not report whether she yelled
“Roll Tide” or complained about the Mississippi Rebels running roughshod over
the State’s beloved team while complaining about the iguana not servicing her attempted love-interest in the iguana.
 |
| Declined Alabama woman's toe-love request |
According to Russell, the iguana
attacked her toe and she feared salmonella.
According to other hotel guests, she was repeatedly pushing her toe toward the
iguana, antagonizing it. Hotels have
video, and this video sure-enough showed an Alabama woman repeatedly shoving
her foot toward the iguana until the iguana wrapped its mouth around her toe. It allegedly bit her, which wasn't apparently what she wanted. When
the police came, she squeezed her toe to make it appear red.
According to the police report,
most iguanas are wild and the resort doesn’t own the bright green medium sized
iguana. Also, iguanas generally stay away from humans and rarely bite. That is until some Alabama woman shoves her
foot in its mouth. Maybe she wanted a
toe-lick. Maybe she’s that nasty. Maybe
she was that drunk and getting ready to yell “Roll Tide” when the iguana
started to lick her toe. And, when it didn’t perform, like the Tide really,
truly didn’t perform against Arkansas (seriously, the Tide had to eke out a
victory over Arkansas?), she got upset. Perhaps she’s an Auburn fan and was mad
that they got trounced by Mississippi State and the State of Alabama had been
trounced by the State of Mississippi in consecutive weeks. Either way, there was one pent-up, likely
drunk, iguana loving woman looking for a little reptile toe-love, who was turned down
by a medium sized iguana. She apparently got butt-hurt about being brushed off and called in The Man.
The police of Key West seem to be
a patient lot. Seems like they have to
be, what with all the Alabamans coming down to visit and propositioning up
their local reptiles with their dubious fetishes. Roll Tide.
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