Bank Robber Flees to Doughnut Shop, Caught Immediately, Ridiculed Mercilessly

In our ongoing coverage of criminals who are making things too easy for the police - also known as worst episodes of CSI ever - a bank robber in Seattle fled his heist and ran to the least awesome place anyone could think of for a getaway: a local doughnut shop.  Seriously.  Here’s the quote from KOMO news:

 

Good for breakfast, not as a safe-house

According to the Seattle Police Department, a man wearing a red bandanna robbed the Wells Fargo bank in the 400 block of Broadway Avenue East around 9:40 a.m. Witnesses told arriving officers the suspect walked off following the robbery.

The suspect reportedly tried to hide in a nearby Top Pot Doughnuts, where he asked employees -- who thought he was acting odd -- to order him a cab.

That must have been the shortest 911 call ever.  Must have gone something like this:

Caller: “We have a guy who robbed the Wells Fargo over at the Capitol Doughnut Shop.”

Dispatch: “Aren’t Carl and Ed already there?”

Caller: “Nope. They get here at 10 most days.”

Dispatch: “I’ll tell them to speed up.”

I have nothing against the police. I love the police.  I love donuts. Doughnut shops and police make a perfect symbiotic relationship.  Doughnut shops operate on high-volume, low cost. They take lots of small orders for cash.  Therefore they have lots of cash at peak times of the day.  Criminals know this.  So, they want police to come by and hang out. Most give free coffee or a serious discount to police who stop by and will throw in a fritter.  If they are one of the genius outfits that combine donuts and burgers (genius), then you have a reason to be there all day if you are a man in blue.  Police, who as part of their job have to have a presence in the community, need to stop from time to time to get coffee, a snack and use the bathroom.  The doughnut (and burger) shop satisfies all three.  The shop gets a police presence.  Police get a break spot.  Criminals ought to know to stay away. 

The Seattle Dillinger didn’t know this, or I would hazard a guess, was high. Because, aside from serious cognitive difficulties, the only thing that would make a bank robber run into a doughnut shop would be weed.  How is he going to explain this in jail to the guys in the yard?   Nobody dropped a dime on him.  The Man didn't bring him down. He fled into the second worst place you could flee from a robbery short of just running straight to the police station.  Maybe he wanted to get caught. Maybe someone was coming after him for something else.  All these things could be it, or it could be weed.

So, this week’s installment of shortest episode of CSI comes from Seattle.  Perhaps the robber’s attorney will argue cognitive difficulties.  If I were on the jury, I’d probably buy it.