In a situation where the
dumbassery goes exponential, Florida Today reports that two Alabama men came to Florida and ran across
Manatees, and decided to cannonball on top of a mama Manatee and her calf. What would make someone cannonball on top of
a peaceful, docile Manatee and her baby calf? Alabama dumbassery combined with
Florida. The Alabama dumbasses decided
to video their completely illegal dumbassery and post it on Facebook. I’m only shocked they didn’t yell “Roll Tide”
as they were breaking Federal Endangered Species law or throw a shout-out to
Nick Saban in the process. Maybe they
were Auburn fans since Auburn won the National Title this year. They won’t be Auburn Fans next year. They’ll
still be dumbasses.
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| Beware of Alabamans |
One of them, Stephenson, actually
lured the Manatee toward a dock with a hose, while his bigger dumbass buddy,
Martin, jumped off the dock and landed on the Manatee and her calf. It was apparently so funny they tried to lure
the Manatee back with the hose to do it again.
Because if there’s one thing that an dumbass will like better than
violating Federal Endangered Species law while filming it for Facebook, it’s
doing it twice.
After posting the video on Facebook,
they drew some criticism, to which Martin responded:, “hahaha…in my debue [sic]
as tayla the manatee slaya…im f---- ready to cannonball on every manatee living
yewwww.” He did not add “Roll Tide.” He
probably regrets that now.
He probably doesn’t regret
jumping on the Manatee, because he’s now on the news and jail is not that bad
for someone who is as big a dumbass as Martin or Stephenson. They get three meals a day, get to lift
weights and get to hang out and talk about how Nick Saban used to be the best
coach in the history of football until he lost two games in a row, and should
now be fired and Bear Bryant’s corpse resurrected to coach again. They could talk about that all day, every
day. If they get to spend time in a
prison outside Alabama, they then get to spend all year telling everyone how
awesome Nick Saban was. In short, prison
should be awesome for them. Florida
should be better for them not coming back.
I get some grief for writing lots
of posts about Florida and the crazy stuff that happens there. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the
State. I think it has lovely beaches and
very nice people (mixed in with the minority that chase bears). A lot of my friends live there and I love
Miami and Sanibel Island. Crazy people move there, get raised there, and visit
there. It is like this magnet for crazy
and good tobacco. In this case, Florida
imported the crazy from Alabama, and sent some of it back home.
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