Florida Taco Bell Drunk: the fever for fourth-meal strikes again

A little more than a year ago, we introduced you, loyal readers to the new stage of drunk. At the time, we posited that there was slightly buzzed. Then a little tipsy. Then slurring.  Then everyone is your friend. Then everyone is your enemy. Then there is sloppy drunk and surly drunk.  These are the standard stages of drunk. If there are a group of men and there is beer for the drunk fuel, there is marching drunk. But last year, we introduced you to perhaps the last stage, which was “Taco Drunk.” Then a Florida man tried to use a Taco Bell taco as ID.  (see original, glorious coverage).  

Deprived of Fourth-Meal; Sad

We were then warned of Texas Samurai Sword Taco Drunk, when a man in San Antonio used a sword to try to heist some delicious tacos. (see here)  

 

Now, Florida has taken back the mantle and a man, presumed to be drunk due to his mugshot and the surrounding circumstances – though it’s actually speculation, though circumstantial evidence and mugshot above gives some potential credence to the speculation – got arrested for trying to order a Taco Bell Taco on a bicycle, and then fought the police with a Swiss Army knife.  Predictably, the police won.  Just as predictably, the mugshot is internet gold. I am positing that he was in-fact Florida Taco drunk and wanted a Doritos Locos, because you have to be loco to take fourth meal that seriously. 

Or perhaps he didn’t have a bike lock and thought someone would heist his bike (this is central Florida) and really, really wanted fourth-meal goodness and thought “fark it” drive-thru means ride-through.  No, sir, it doesn’t. Not in Florida it doesn’t.  Not to the Man. And not to the taco-selling man.  You lock your bike, or you take the risk, or you face a drive-thru beat-down when you grab the cop’s wrist when he attempts to disarm you of your three-inch blade (and multitude of screwdrivers). 

So, loyal readers, here is the latest episode of Taco Drunk.  Don’t make fourth-meal become fifth through fifteenth meal in the county jail. Taco Bell has learned.  Taco Bell doesn’t play.  Taco Bell is not loco.

Story and glorious mugshotcourtesy of Wesh.com (Orlando).