Snake Charmer Not Charming Enough

There is sad news coming out of Malaysia, where a famed snake charmer apparently wasn’t charming enough and got bitten by a cobra.   This would not normally be news, as cobras are endemic to Malaysia and people get bitten by them all the damn time, which really sucks for Malaysians.  

Not an actual ad for Coca-Cola

And this was no normal snake charmer sitting around with a lute and trying to coax the snake back into a basket with Kenny G level slow jams to calm the snake down. That dude could put me to sleep in about ten seconds with his syrupy versions of jazz classics that were as big an affront to music history as was his haircut.  Let’s reflect on that a moment:  what is worse, Kenny G’s rendition of John Coltrane classics (CLICK HERE FOR THE HORROR) , or that haircut. 

What's breathless is me seeing that haircut

No, this cobra murdered the snake whisperer worse than Kenny G murdered John Coltrane’s “In a sentimental mood.”  Here's the real one.   For God’s sake, don’t listen to the Kenny G version ever again after hearing this.

No, Abu Zarin Hussin (pictured above with a real cobra and coke) wasn’t doing this for fun, like the jackass in Florida who imported a king cobra, then let it get on the loose.  

These were natural born cobras that terrorize Malaysia.  Abu Zarin Hussain headed the King Cobra Squad of the fire department. That’s right. They have a King Cobra Squad to deal with actual cobras.  You would think that the State of Florida would have tried to coax him on a sweet free agent contract to deal with all the cobras running around that state.    But they didn’t, and he was still in Malaysia dealing with Cobras every day.  Accordingto the New York Post, he trained other “smoke eaters” to catch the cobras without killing them, where apparently he would let them go, so they could wreak havoc again. 

Instead of delivering a crane kick to the face, which is how everyone knows you deal with the Cobra Kai, as well as ordinary cobras, he tried to talk sweetly to it. 

Cobra about to get a crane-kick to the face

And it bit him in the grill.  That’s cold blooded, because cobras are actually cold blooded creatures, and damn mean.  So, unless you have got Kenny G levels of sweet syrupy, soul-less clarinet, or can deliver a swift crane kick to the face, stay the f*ck away from cobras.