There is sad news coming out of Malaysia, where a famed
snake charmer apparently wasn’t charming enough and got bitten by a cobra. This would not normally be news, as cobras
are endemic to Malaysia and people get bitten by them all the damn time, which
really sucks for Malaysians.
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| Not an actual ad for Coca-Cola |
And this
was no normal snake charmer sitting around with a lute and trying to coax the
snake back into a basket with Kenny G level slow jams to calm the snake down. That
dude could put me to sleep in about ten seconds with his syrupy versions of jazz
classics that were as big an affront to music history as was his haircut. Let’s reflect on that a moment: what is worse, Kenny G’s rendition of John Coltrane
classics (CLICK HERE FOR THE HORROR) ,
or that haircut.
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| What's breathless is me seeing that haircut |
No, this cobra murdered the snake whisperer worse than Kenny
G murdered John Coltrane’s “In a sentimental mood.” Here's the real one. For
God’s sake, don’t listen to the Kenny G version ever again after hearing this.
No, Abu Zarin Hussin (pictured above with a real cobra and coke) wasn’t doing this for fun, like the jackass in Florida who imported a king cobra, then let it get on the loose.
These were natural born cobras that terrorize Malaysia. Abu Zarin Hussain headed the King Cobra Squad
of the fire department. That’s right. They have a King Cobra Squad to deal with
actual cobras. You would think that the State
of Florida would have tried to coax him on a sweet free agent contract to deal
with all the cobras running around that state. But they didn’t, and he was still in Malaysia
dealing with Cobras every day. Accordingto the New York Post, he trained
other “smoke eaters” to catch the cobras without killing them, where apparently
he would let them go, so they could wreak havoc again.
Instead of delivering a crane kick to the face, which is how
everyone knows you deal with the Cobra Kai, as well as ordinary cobras, he
tried to talk sweetly to it.
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| Cobra about to get a crane-kick to the face |
And it bit him in the grill. That’s cold blooded, because cobras are actually
cold blooded creatures, and damn mean.
So, unless you have got Kenny G levels of sweet syrupy, soul-less clarinet,
or can deliver a swift crane kick to the face, stay the f*ck away from
cobras.
