Staten Island Creepy Clown Begs to be Punched

Back in September, a clown dressed as Pennywise – the homicidal clown in Stephen King’s terrifying book It, showed up on the streets in England, staring at people, offering to paint houses (without a paint bucket) and generally scaring the crap out of everyone.  I said then that if someone tried that mess over here, they’d be punched.

Staten Island Clown

A jackass in Staten Island, New York, which, frankly, may as well be a redundant phrase, has taken up the challenge.  The New York Observer has pictures and video of a terrifying clown stalking the streets dressed as a modified Pennywise, carrying a balloon, glaring at people.  It’s time to punch him.  I would think of all the places in the United States most likely to punch a clown, Staten Island would be up to the task.

While I am an admitted sufferer of clourophobia (fear of clowns) and I tend to like to face my fears head-on, I am not about to go punch every clown I see.  I mean, I don’t show up at McDonald’s and start punching Ronald.  I’m not going to punch a clown at a kid’s birthday party unless he goes all Shakes-the-clown and shows up drunk. (see here for link to hilarity, probably on Netflix).   I don’t go to Ringling Brothers Circus.  It’s not that bad.  However, this comes at a time where hit-clowns are on the loose in Mexico taking out cartel bosses.  Clowns are not to be taken as jokes.  

And then this joker shows up.

I’m saying it now: you show up on my street corner, at night, dressed as Pennywise, or close to Pennywise, holding a balloon and glaring, I’m just going to assume you are the violent sort of crazy that needs a punching.  

Take a look at the pictures in the link.  Maybe I’m being overly prickly.  I don’t think so.  Looks like a direct attempt to intimidate those with Clourophobia and scare the crap out of people in general.  Your move Staten Island. 

Another Bootleg Big-Butt Injection Death: Stop the Fake Big Booty Madness

A couple of weeks ago, we posted on the manslaughter verdict of Pebbelz Da Model, who took an otherwise healthy butt and through bootleg injections made it freakish. Not freaky in the good sense, though there were plenty of modeling gigs for her supersized butt.  Other women, noting the attention from King Magazine and those men who read it sought out Pebbelz’s advice on how to get a freakish butt, too.  Pebbelz took the referral money to send women to an unlicensed big-butt injector, a woman in Mississippi died from getting unlicensed surgery in a motel room, and Pebblez stood tall before the Man and got time.  We called for the madness to stop.  It hasn’t.

 

Mobley (left), Blaine (right)

The madness had continued unabated in New York.  The New York Post reports that charges have been filed in a lethal butt-enhancing injection case up there.  Tamara Blaine, who probably had an otherwise healthy butt (I’m speculating, I’ve never seen her booty), died after getting bootleg silicone injected into her booty at the Liberty Inn hotel from an unlicensed beautician named Tamara Mobley.

Seriously, maybe I’m a stickler for things like formal education and licenses and permits, especially for things that can kill you or put you/keep you out of jail.  You don’t want an unlicensed lawyer, though plenty of people think they can read Wikipedia and represent themselves in court.  You don’t want an unlicensed doctor, but then plenty of people think that you can either disregard the AMA’s guidance on vaccines, or in the case of too many women, get plastic surgery. No one seems to go to unlicensed dentists, though.

But not only was Mobley not only an unlicensed plastic surgeon, she wasn’t even a licensed beautician. How hard is it to get a beauty license in New York?  Mobley allegedly injected Blaine’s booty with silicone, which got in her blood stream, and caused asphyxiation. Her throat closed and she suffocated.  Mobley stuck around to tell the EMT that Blaine had a seizure and vanished.  The Man caught up with her and she’s facing trial.

Let’s look at the societal issues here, though.  We have licenses for a reason. Some things require an advanced level of training and experience.  Law is one of them.  Performing electrical work for others is another. So is injecting foreign substances in people’s bodies.  This is not like a bootleg tape or DVD where it’s almost as good a quality and you can get past the copyright laws in your ethics.  It can kill you.  What booty is worth dying for?  And if you just need plastic surgery that bad, save up.  But you don’t need a freakishly huge booty. Seriously. You don’t.  And like the giant fake breast craze of the 80’s and 90’s, it goes away and leaves women with distorted bodies that no one wants and are a health risk that has to get fixed later. There’s plenty of room for plastic surgery.  I have no issue with this.  But hire a professional. You’d do the same with a dentist.

And to all those who continue to prey on women who think they need a huge booty to get what they need in life, stop the evil. Stop preying on these women who lack the self-confidence to say no the huge fake booty, or the money to pay a professional to do actual surgery, or both.

One less devil swine among us: Hogzilla Jr. Shot in North Carolina

Beasts of the Southern Wild was a good movie with a catchy title.  But the subject matter should have been different. The title should have been used on the huge wild hogs of the deep south. They truly are beasts of epic, legendary proportions that defy description and need pictures.  They need epic nicknames.

 

Hogzilla Jr. done in by heavy artillery in Eastern Carolina

About ten years ago, there was an expose and intense controversy on Hogzilla, a 1000-poundhog shot in Georgia that was nine feet long. Let’s get out minds around that one. The thing was as big as a cow, and had tusks.  It was like a large shark on land, running untamed through the Georgia woods until someone shot it and the whole thing was put on TV. Some called BS. Some said that such a thing couldn’t happen. That it was made up.  Or perhaps, they just thought it had crossed the border from Florida where things like that are not only considered possible but probable.

Now, Hogzilla’s slightly smaller brother has been shot in Eastern Carolina.  (see full story here).  It was officially on the northern side of the bi-state line, but anyone who is from the Carolinas or has spent any time there will tell you that there are three Carolinas. North Carolina, which is mostly civilized, home to huge banks and the Research Triangle and some piney woods. North Carolina brings us technology and basketball. South Carolina brought us Stephen Colbert and Mark Sanford, the former governor who was hiking the South American trail with his mistress for days on end as a massive man-hunt went on.  South Carolina brings us comedy.  Then there’s East Carolina.  It has its own university. It is the eastern side of both Carolinas and is in the lowlands and has no cultural or other ties to the rest of the Carolinas. It is its own land that is closer to Northern Florida than to the Research Triangle.

It also has a massive, epic hog problem, and guys with what look like automatic rifles in hunting clubs to hunt them down.

There was a hogzilla running around Eastern Carolina that some said was almost as big as the epic Georgia hogzilla.  Years of stalking, hunting, and gearing up finally got it.  It was so big that the hunting club’s scale, which tops out at 500 pounds didn’t even hold its head or feet.  As you can see, it has a huge head.  It will make enough sausage to feed the hunter’s family for a year.  You can imagine the damage that thing did to the woods and other woodland creatures.  Can you imagine being a raccoon in the woods and seeing that thing coming?  A goat? 

Thankfully the well-armed folks of East Carolina got this hogzilla. There are more out there in the swamps. God help us if they get to the beer or the whiskey stills that still dot the lowland swamps.